Ever casually ask a mother "How are things going?” Only to get a response full of listed duties responsibilities and tasks? "OMG potty training little Bobby, super swamped with a new project at work, adding on a guest bathroom by hand, doing my mother's taxes, and building a secret rocket ship prototype for NASA – girl, I am so busy I can't think straight". We have taught ourselves that being busy is the equivalent of importance.

Motherhood is naturally a job of multitasking, juggling, and balancing acts and unfortunately we have begun to wear our 'over extendedness' as a badge of honor - for all to notice, acknowledge, and revere. It's this mindset that puts mothers in situations where we find ourselves 30 lbs heavier, or learn of a life threatening illness at stage 4 – all because we are preoccupied with being occupied. 

So how do we begin to change this mindset? By valuing the effort we put in in taking care of ourselves.

Honestly, I have trouble sharing my self-care activities with others. It takes a lot for me to say “just came from taking myself out to eat and treating myself to a mani pedi”. Mother’s guilt rages inside as I feel my proclamations should be about all the other things I am doing or else my fellow matriarchs will look down on me. I had to take a minute to realize that me and my mani/pedi’s have a one up on "Judy" with bed hair, mismatched shoes, and last month’s nail polish stuck in her cuticles.

My power as a mother lies within my ability to MANAGE everything not DO everything. Of course, it’s no secret that the best thing we can do for our families is take care of ourselves. So, next time someone asks “how’s motherhood?” resist the urge to reveal your formula for energy efficient gas. Just whip out pictures of your cute big eared kids (you know you want to anyway) and show off your prize possessions.

Remember, when we stop taking on all the responsibilities and doing everything, we lesson our vulnerability for feeling unappreciated. Nothing’s worse than giving your last, your all – only for it to be over looked. But when we do "too much" we need that appreciation more than usual and fall even lower when we don't get it.

Cherrell Thomas, MA, LPC,NCC, CPCS is a professional counselor, licensed by the state of Georgia and certified by the national board of counselors. With over 7 years in the field, Cherrell has experience in multiple areas of mental health. Through her private practice, HELPFUL THERAPY CENTER LLC, she promotes the power of inner resiliency and encourages her clients to define their own "happy".

However, she may have met her match in her three year old daughter who is teaching her everyday about life, parenting, and the struggle for sanity.

Follow along as we uncover the myths in a candid conversation, only a Mama can identify.

My husband and I made it through the first 24 months, but it's the next two years that have me concerned. Our DD began using a very, loud voice to communicate the week after her second birthday. To give you an idea:

She casually says, “Juice”. In the next five seconds, you hear it 10 more times at an unreasonable pitch, only dog owners can relate. Replace "juice" with peaches, cheese, or chicken and you have my day. Here are a few things I adjusted in my schedule to ensure I am fully energized and patient enough to handle her demands:

1.       Get ample rest - I use the entire 24 hours to complete my day. I sleep when tired, and work when awake. For instance, if I’m up at 3am, I work until sunrise and take a powernap until she wakes.

2.       Rise & Shine - When I’m up, I’m focused. I set tasks and deadlines on my calendar, to ensure nothing is forgotten. I also use a computer with dual screens, a tablet, laptop, and cell phone to conduct business, seven days a week. Each device is dedicated to a certain business and social media application.

3.       Take breaks - Once she is awake, we have a morning, afternoon and evening routine. I sync our “dance parties” to cleaning and laundry activities. We tackle art projects, bubbles, books and outdoor play during our time to connect.

4.       Assign chores - She puts her dishes away, assists with unloading the dishwasher and loading the dryer. This offers her a sense of independence and a learning directive. To date, she knows the terms wet, dry, cold and hot very well.

5.       Dial in - On days that she is especially cranky, I adjust my priorities and give her attention in the form of hands-on activities. We work through tantrums one subject at a time.

I felt patience was an overrated term in my Pre-Mama days. The past 24 months have proven the definition in its most authentic form-LOVE. The love of a mother softens the heart and encourages growth. I hope to use these tools while entering year three.

What tips do you have for years 3 & 4? We are all ears!

Recently, the American Psychological Association published the 5th edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, or the DSM. This is the tool used by all practitioners to diagnose the world. I can’t help but recognize that there was one major addition that was overlooked…the diagnosis of motherhood.

I mean, come on – is this not a disorder of sorts? With it’s own set of crazy symptoms and proposed treatment options (everybody and their momma can tell you how you should do it)?  A mental disorder is defined as a condition that “disrupts a person’s thinking, feeling, mood, ability to relate to others, and daily functioning”.

Soooo….when was the last time being a mom disrupted your thinking (mommy brain), your feelings (you now cry at Cheerio’s commercials), your mood (“everybody stop calling my name!”), your ability to relate to others (showing pictures of your kids without being asked), or your daily functioning (too many damn errands, appointments, little league practices to count).

YES being a mom plays with your brain – but we can take back what is rightfully ours (our sanity) by defining motherhood for ourselves, challenging myths, owning up to our untruths!

Cherrell Thomas, MA, LPC,NCC, CPCS is a professional counselor, licensed by the state of Georgia and certified by the National Board of Counselors. With over 7 years in the field, Cherrell has experience in multiple areas of mental health. Through her private practice, HELPFUL THERAPY CENTER LLC, she promotes the power of inner resiliency and encourages her clients to define their own "happy".

However, she may have met her match in her three year old daughter who is teaching her everyday about life, parenting, and the struggle for sanity.

Follow along as we uncover the myths in a candid conversation, only a Mama can identify.