As a parent, it is our duty to make sure that we provide everything in our power for our children to have the best life possible. This includes learning and providing education. But sometimes we get enveloped in the “superbaby” syndrome, where we are not only pushing our child to do well – but to be better than everyone else.

We play Mozart for our womb (hello “pregaphone”), draw up “lesson plans” for our newborns during maternity (come on, you know who you are), purchase books out the wazoo, put iPads on our credit cards,  ruminate over the best daycare, sell our spacious house (for ZERO profit) just to move into an apartment in the best school district (especially, you ATLANTA), purchase hundreds of flash cards, and order “Your Baby Can Read” when the commercial comes on during your 3am feeding (yes, my daughter had the entire set thanks to daddy).

By the time of their first birthday - we become as anxious about our child recognizing colors as we are about choosing the next car seat.

As understandable as this is, most is unnecessary. There is no research that supports the notion that children who display academic skills ahead of the curve (ex: reading before entering kindergarten) continue to have a “leg up” on his peers. Truth is, once the other kids enter school and are taught the essentials, they tend to catch up around 2nd or 3rd grade. So, yes we have reason to become fixated on finding the right elementary school but we go overboard with math pop quizzes for a 3 year old. One of the reasons is that young children are always learning – especially from their environment, they are learning the basics of communication, socialization, and trusting that their basic needs will be consistently met. When surveyed, most “gifted” children are not specifically the ones who were injected into early learning but those whom injected themselves. Naturally gifted children tend to be the ones initiating learning, seeking out academic activities on their own.

Aside from bragging rights for mommy and daddy, you’re not really creating massive benefits. What children are learning are social norms, manners, and emotional intelligence – which if learned incorrectly, is hard to unlearn (just ask the 5th grader who is still biting his classmates). So, should we become anxious over our toddler’s ability to answer Jeopardy questions and play Scrabble – NO. BUT - we need to pay attention to how we, as parents and their other caregivers (especially daycare staff, grandparents, older siblings), conduct ourselves in front of our little ones. Even during flashcard sessions with your two year old – she is learning more by noticing your uninterrupted love, without cell phones, and your tone (i.e. reframing from getting angry when she answers “blue” when you ask her how many apples there are in the basket)...

Happy teaching!!! 

***Interesting info on the false claims of "Your Baby Can Read": http://www.ftc.gov/news-events/press-releases/2012/08/ads-touting-your-baby-can-read-were-deceptive-ftc-complaint

Our Guest Blogger, Cherrell Thomas, is a professional counselor, licensed by the state of Georgia and certified by the national board of counselors. With over 7 years in the field, Cherrell has experience in multiple areas of mental health.

Through her private practice, HELPFUL THERAPY CENTER LLC, she promotes the power of inner resiliency and encourages her clients to define their own "happy". However, she may have met her match in her three year old daughter who is teaching her everyday about life, parenting, and the struggle for sanity.

Follow along as we uncover the myths in a candid conversation, only a Mama can identify.

Ever casually ask a mother "How are things going?” Only to get a response full of listed duties responsibilities and tasks? "OMG potty training little Bobby, super swamped with a new project at work, adding on a guest bathroom by hand, doing my mother's taxes, and building a secret rocket ship prototype for NASA – girl, I am so busy I can't think straight". We have taught ourselves that being busy is the equivalent of importance.

Motherhood is naturally a job of multitasking, juggling, and balancing acts and unfortunately we have begun to wear our 'over extendedness' as a badge of honor - for all to notice, acknowledge, and revere. It's this mindset that puts mothers in situations where we find ourselves 30 lbs heavier, or learn of a life threatening illness at stage 4 – all because we are preoccupied with being occupied. 

So how do we begin to change this mindset? By valuing the effort we put in in taking care of ourselves.

Honestly, I have trouble sharing my self-care activities with others. It takes a lot for me to say “just came from taking myself out to eat and treating myself to a mani pedi”. Mother’s guilt rages inside as I feel my proclamations should be about all the other things I am doing or else my fellow matriarchs will look down on me. I had to take a minute to realize that me and my mani/pedi’s have a one up on "Judy" with bed hair, mismatched shoes, and last month’s nail polish stuck in her cuticles.

My power as a mother lies within my ability to MANAGE everything not DO everything. Of course, it’s no secret that the best thing we can do for our families is take care of ourselves. So, next time someone asks “how’s motherhood?” resist the urge to reveal your formula for energy efficient gas. Just whip out pictures of your cute big eared kids (you know you want to anyway) and show off your prize possessions.

Remember, when we stop taking on all the responsibilities and doing everything, we lesson our vulnerability for feeling unappreciated. Nothing’s worse than giving your last, your all – only for it to be over looked. But when we do "too much" we need that appreciation more than usual and fall even lower when we don't get it.

Cherrell Thomas, MA, LPC,NCC, CPCS is a professional counselor, licensed by the state of Georgia and certified by the national board of counselors. With over 7 years in the field, Cherrell has experience in multiple areas of mental health. Through her private practice, HELPFUL THERAPY CENTER LLC, she promotes the power of inner resiliency and encourages her clients to define their own "happy".

However, she may have met her match in her three year old daughter who is teaching her everyday about life, parenting, and the struggle for sanity.

Follow along as we uncover the myths in a candid conversation, only a Mama can identify.

My husband and I made it through the first 24 months, but it's the next two years that have me concerned. Our DD began using a very, loud voice to communicate the week after her second birthday. To give you an idea:

She casually says, “Juice”. In the next five seconds, you hear it 10 more times at an unreasonable pitch, only dog owners can relate. Replace "juice" with peaches, cheese, or chicken and you have my day. Here are a few things I adjusted in my schedule to ensure I am fully energized and patient enough to handle her demands:

1.       Get ample rest - I use the entire 24 hours to complete my day. I sleep when tired, and work when awake. For instance, if I’m up at 3am, I work until sunrise and take a powernap until she wakes.

2.       Rise & Shine - When I’m up, I’m focused. I set tasks and deadlines on my calendar, to ensure nothing is forgotten. I also use a computer with dual screens, a tablet, laptop, and cell phone to conduct business, seven days a week. Each device is dedicated to a certain business and social media application.

3.       Take breaks - Once she is awake, we have a morning, afternoon and evening routine. I sync our “dance parties” to cleaning and laundry activities. We tackle art projects, bubbles, books and outdoor play during our time to connect.

4.       Assign chores - She puts her dishes away, assists with unloading the dishwasher and loading the dryer. This offers her a sense of independence and a learning directive. To date, she knows the terms wet, dry, cold and hot very well.

5.       Dial in - On days that she is especially cranky, I adjust my priorities and give her attention in the form of hands-on activities. We work through tantrums one subject at a time.

I felt patience was an overrated term in my Pre-Mama days. The past 24 months have proven the definition in its most authentic form-LOVE. The love of a mother softens the heart and encourages growth. I hope to use these tools while entering year three.

What tips do you have for years 3 & 4? We are all ears!