With Father’s Day around the corner, I wanted to shine a light on daddy’s role in the psychology of motherhood. We can’t escape that a woman’s role as a parent is different than a man’s role. Sometimes as moms, we see it as a blessing and a curse. Sure, we are typically the “go to” parent to find hidden rain boots, solve problems, remember dentist appointments, and bring boxes of tissue for the classroom.

But there is a point where we get so enveloped in this role that we form a concept of “it can’t get done without me”, and if daddy was left to things all hell would break loose. This can lead to hoarding tasks and eventually over extending yourself. Eventually, you are hardly getting things done and building resentment towards dad (“He has no idea what I go through” and “He wouldn’t make it a day in my shoes”).

This is counterproductive to your initial dream of “supermom” – now you are “barely hanging on mom” and “I can’t stand your father, mom”). The truth is that he can probably take care of things, but why should he when you do, or when he does, you complain or redo it yourself? Think about it , if you went to a work conference for a week, or were in the hospital with baby #2  – I’m sure he wouldn’t forget to feed, bathe, clothe, and care for his child. Let go of your daddy duty fears and allow him to help, because although he might not 'do it like mommy', your child(ren) will be okay. So what if little Jacob had dinner for breakfast and breakfast for dinner – no harm, no foul, right?

What we must remember is that Moms are awesome, and so are Dads. They are here to be our partners; which means,  they can reap the benefits of our children's overflowing love as well. They might not be able to orchestrate everything the way we prefer, but just remember - the love is the same. The good intent is the same. It's the  techniques that differ.

This Father’s Day, don’t just tell him thank you for being a good dad – make sure to say thank you for being my partner in crime!   

Our Guest Blogger, Cherrell Thomas, is a professional counselor, licensed by the state of Georgia and certified by the national board of counselors. With over 7 years in the field, Cherrell has experience in multiple areas of mental health. Through her private practice, HELPFUL THERAPY CENTER LLC, she promotes the power of inner resiliency and encourages her clients to define their own "happy". However, she may have met her match in her three year old daughter who is teaching her everyday about life, parenting, and the struggle for sanity.

Follow along as we uncover the myths in a candid conversation, only a Mama can identify.

I knew having a second child would be a challenge after 11 years. Not just a challenge of managing finances, but a challenge of keeping order in my life. The routine I’d become accustomed to is certainly a memory at this point. My newborn son Kyle is now 3 weeks old and has managed to put the household on his schedule. Nevertheless, it is nice to have a baby around. I find myself more determined than ever to be all that my family needs and if that means wearing my supermom cape 24/7 sobeit. 

Very few things have meant more to me than being a mother. As much as I feel like I’m ready to make a grand entrance back to the corporate world, I am very much enjoying just chilling at home with my son. Knowing what to do and how to handle a newborn didn’t come rushing back like riding a bike, however. I thought it would, but I find myself having these “duh” moments. Thank goodness for friends and family. Reaching out to them for advice or a good laugh is helpful and necessary for my sanity.

I read while I was pregnant that you should sleep when the baby sleeps; which is probably some good advice for someone who doesn’t have much to do. That’s not always an option for me. I learned quickly that power naps work just as well. That takes some getting used to too, but when you have to keep a household running one quickly (grudgefully) does without sleeping for any length of time. For now at least. My fashion swag has also been compromised and reduced to a stretched out nursing bra, pajama pants, and wild untamed hair. Kyle doesn’t seem to care though as long as there’s a boob with some milk in it nearby. I may never have a chance to just let it all hang with no burden of having to even get dressed ever again so I’m enjoying it while it lasts.

Someone asked if I was done having children to which I replied “I’m pretty sure I’m done!” There are days when I think of having a daughter graduating from high school and a young son entering kindergarten that make me smile and cry at the same time.

It’s definitely a rewarding experience and it doesn’t even bother me (that much) that I haven’t had much me time. The time spent making memories is worth all that I think I’m missing which really isn’t anything as special as being at home getting spit up on.

Speaking of gassy babies-Sounds like one’s up now...

We are starting a new series, The Mama Chronicles. Our Guest Blogger, Dawn, has a new baby and a wonderful eleven year old. The joys of Motherhood are spread between the preteen and  tot leaving little room for mom to maintain. A self-proclaimed Mombie, she balances colic, housework and a business.

Follow along as she navigates a world she once new so well.

In the study of child development we learn the concept of the “imaginary audience” that adolescents feel during their phase of egocentrism. They feel that there are imaginary eyes on them at all times - scrutinizing what they look like, say, and do. I think that this phase returns for women when they have children – all of a sudden we feel the pressure to be a perfect mom ALL THE TIME - even when no one is looking. Not to say we don’t strive for perfection for the good of our kids (good save, huh?) but if we are honest with ourselves our mommy reputation is pretty important to us. For instance, I have no problem if people introduce me as “Cherrell, the most awesomest mom in life….ever”.

So the thought that there are forever present eyes of judgment is understandable but is a myth.
1 – People are not always watching and judging you. When you are alone with your child, he is not judging your parenting skills (although he may be testing them) .
2 – Even if people are always looking, they probably aren’t judging you, they have better things to do – and your kid is probably cute enough to distract them anyway.

The truth is that the only constant eyes of scrutiny are our own. This can lead to problems with anxiety, depression, and self esteem – and consequently,  take away from your performance as a mother.  So relax – if you didn’t bring an extra pair of underwear for your potty training toddler, or if you gave a cookie after brushing her teeth - you are still an awesome mother. I mean, you didn’t leave her in a burning home or feed him yogurt that has been left out for 6 days – so celebrate your greatness!

The love you have for your children is abundant and shines through how you protect them every day. So forget the imaginary audience and get rid of your own self conviction – your baby loves you for you and wouldn’t trade you for the world!

Our Guest Blogger, Cherrell Thomas, is a professional counselor, licensed by the state of Georgia and certified by the national board of counselors. With over 7 years in the field, Cherrell has experience in multiple areas of mental health. Through her private practice, HELPFUL THERAPY CENTER LLC, she promotes the power of inner resiliency and encourages her clients to define their own "happy". However, she may have met her match in her three year old daughter who is teaching her everyday about life, parenting, and the struggle for sanity.

Follow along as we uncover the myths in a candid conversation, only a Mama can identify.