With Father’s Day around the corner, I wanted to shine a light on daddy’s role in the psychology of motherhood. We can’t escape that a woman’s role as a parent is different than a man’s role. Sometimes as moms, we see it as a blessing and a curse. Sure, we are typically the “go to” parent to find hidden rain boots, solve problems, remember dentist appointments, and bring boxes of tissue for the classroom.

But there is a point where we get so enveloped in this role that we form a concept of “it can’t get done without me”, and if daddy was left to things all hell would break loose. This can lead to hoarding tasks and eventually over extending yourself. Eventually, you are hardly getting things done and building resentment towards dad (“He has no idea what I go through” and “He wouldn’t make it a day in my shoes”).

This is counterproductive to your initial dream of “supermom” – now you are “barely hanging on mom” and “I can’t stand your father, mom”). The truth is that he can probably take care of things, but why should he when you do, or when he does, you complain or redo it yourself? Think about it , if you went to a work conference for a week, or were in the hospital with baby #2  – I’m sure he wouldn’t forget to feed, bathe, clothe, and care for his child. Let go of your daddy duty fears and allow him to help, because although he might not 'do it like mommy', your child(ren) will be okay. So what if little Jacob had dinner for breakfast and breakfast for dinner – no harm, no foul, right?

What we must remember is that Moms are awesome, and so are Dads. They are here to be our partners; which means,  they can reap the benefits of our children's overflowing love as well. They might not be able to orchestrate everything the way we prefer, but just remember - the love is the same. The good intent is the same. It's the  techniques that differ.

This Father’s Day, don’t just tell him thank you for being a good dad – make sure to say thank you for being my partner in crime!   

Our Guest Blogger, Cherrell Thomas, is a professional counselor, licensed by the state of Georgia and certified by the national board of counselors. With over 7 years in the field, Cherrell has experience in multiple areas of mental health. Through her private practice, HELPFUL THERAPY CENTER LLC, she promotes the power of inner resiliency and encourages her clients to define their own "happy". However, she may have met her match in her three year old daughter who is teaching her everyday about life, parenting, and the struggle for sanity.

Follow along as we uncover the myths in a candid conversation, only a Mama can identify.

In the study of child development we learn the concept of the “imaginary audience” that adolescents feel during their phase of egocentrism. They feel that there are imaginary eyes on them at all times - scrutinizing what they look like, say, and do. I think that this phase returns for women when they have children – all of a sudden we feel the pressure to be a perfect mom ALL THE TIME - even when no one is looking. Not to say we don’t strive for perfection for the good of our kids (good save, huh?) but if we are honest with ourselves our mommy reputation is pretty important to us. For instance, I have no problem if people introduce me as “Cherrell, the most awesomest mom in life….ever”.

So the thought that there are forever present eyes of judgment is understandable but is a myth.
1 – People are not always watching and judging you. When you are alone with your child, he is not judging your parenting skills (although he may be testing them) .
2 – Even if people are always looking, they probably aren’t judging you, they have better things to do – and your kid is probably cute enough to distract them anyway.

The truth is that the only constant eyes of scrutiny are our own. This can lead to problems with anxiety, depression, and self esteem – and consequently,  take away from your performance as a mother.  So relax – if you didn’t bring an extra pair of underwear for your potty training toddler, or if you gave a cookie after brushing her teeth - you are still an awesome mother. I mean, you didn’t leave her in a burning home or feed him yogurt that has been left out for 6 days – so celebrate your greatness!

The love you have for your children is abundant and shines through how you protect them every day. So forget the imaginary audience and get rid of your own self conviction – your baby loves you for you and wouldn’t trade you for the world!

Our Guest Blogger, Cherrell Thomas, is a professional counselor, licensed by the state of Georgia and certified by the national board of counselors. With over 7 years in the field, Cherrell has experience in multiple areas of mental health. Through her private practice, HELPFUL THERAPY CENTER LLC, she promotes the power of inner resiliency and encourages her clients to define their own "happy". However, she may have met her match in her three year old daughter who is teaching her everyday about life, parenting, and the struggle for sanity.

Follow along as we uncover the myths in a candid conversation, only a Mama can identify.

Ever casually ask a mother "How are things going?” Only to get a response full of listed duties responsibilities and tasks? "OMG potty training little Bobby, super swamped with a new project at work, adding on a guest bathroom by hand, doing my mother's taxes, and building a secret rocket ship prototype for NASA – girl, I am so busy I can't think straight". We have taught ourselves that being busy is the equivalent of importance.

Motherhood is naturally a job of multitasking, juggling, and balancing acts and unfortunately we have begun to wear our 'over extendedness' as a badge of honor - for all to notice, acknowledge, and revere. It's this mindset that puts mothers in situations where we find ourselves 30 lbs heavier, or learn of a life threatening illness at stage 4 – all because we are preoccupied with being occupied. 

So how do we begin to change this mindset? By valuing the effort we put in in taking care of ourselves.

Honestly, I have trouble sharing my self-care activities with others. It takes a lot for me to say “just came from taking myself out to eat and treating myself to a mani pedi”. Mother’s guilt rages inside as I feel my proclamations should be about all the other things I am doing or else my fellow matriarchs will look down on me. I had to take a minute to realize that me and my mani/pedi’s have a one up on "Judy" with bed hair, mismatched shoes, and last month’s nail polish stuck in her cuticles.

My power as a mother lies within my ability to MANAGE everything not DO everything. Of course, it’s no secret that the best thing we can do for our families is take care of ourselves. So, next time someone asks “how’s motherhood?” resist the urge to reveal your formula for energy efficient gas. Just whip out pictures of your cute big eared kids (you know you want to anyway) and show off your prize possessions.

Remember, when we stop taking on all the responsibilities and doing everything, we lesson our vulnerability for feeling unappreciated. Nothing’s worse than giving your last, your all – only for it to be over looked. But when we do "too much" we need that appreciation more than usual and fall even lower when we don't get it.

Cherrell Thomas, MA, LPC,NCC, CPCS is a professional counselor, licensed by the state of Georgia and certified by the national board of counselors. With over 7 years in the field, Cherrell has experience in multiple areas of mental health. Through her private practice, HELPFUL THERAPY CENTER LLC, she promotes the power of inner resiliency and encourages her clients to define their own "happy".

However, she may have met her match in her three year old daughter who is teaching her everyday about life, parenting, and the struggle for sanity.

Follow along as we uncover the myths in a candid conversation, only a Mama can identify.