This phrase sums up my last two months of Mamahood with my beautiful daughter. She turned two and things changed. Top three traits:

1. Opinionated - She has a opinion about everything. It's her way or else.
2. LOUD - She screams MAMA in stores when I'm in her eyesight.
   
3. Articulate - She speaks in full sentences and expects a response

How do you deal with a bold toddler when working, cleaning, cooking, driving & maintaining sanity?


I'm navigating through this stage with coffee. I ignore what I can and diffuse what I can't. We discuss options, which has bitten me in the butt. Especially at dinnertime. I'll ask if she wants chicken, expecting the one year old answer, and get "how about pasta, Mom." Or the popular, "maybe I'll have yogurt". I've added short order cook to my resume along with nurse and chauffeur.

Which brings me to the first insult I've received from my one and only. We were running errands in one hundred degree weather - and picked up my mother for lunch. My darling tot says "Mommy can't drive"  then proceeds with "Mima can't drive". Thus, insulting the entire car in 5 seconds.

I politely explained that she can't drive, which is why Mommy is driving. She apologized immediately (fantasy). She continued repeating "Mommy can't drive" (reality) - until we reached our destination.

Since that day, I've been physically pushed, slapped and kicked during tantrums and moments of anger. Poor Dad tries to save me but she ignores his demands like a teenage girl whose cell phone was taken. We sigh in unison. Then,  I read articles on how to manage toddler rage - while tweeting about her antics.

So the questions remains -

How do you deal with a bold toddler when working, cleaning, cooking, driving & maintaining sanity?

 As a parent, it is our duty to make sure that we provide everything in our power for our children to have the best life possible. This includes learning and providing education. But sometimes we get enveloped in the “superbaby” syndrome, where we are not only pushing our child to do well – but to be better than everyone else.

We play Mozart for our womb (hello “pregaphone”), draw up “lesson plans” for our newborns during maternity (come on, you know who you are), purchase books out the wazoo, put iPads on our credit cards,  ruminate over the best daycare, sell our spacious house (for ZERO profit) just to move into an apartment in the best school district (especially, you ATLANTA), purchase hundreds of flash cards, and order “Your Baby Can Read” when the commercial comes on during your 3am feeding (yes, my daughter had the entire set thanks to daddy).

By the time of their first birthday - we become as anxious about our child recognizing colors as we are about choosing the next car seat.

As understandable as this is, most is unnecessary. There is no research that supports the notion that children who display academic skills ahead of the curve (ex: reading before entering kindergarten) continue to have a “leg up” on his peers. Truth is, once the other kids enter school and are taught the essentials, they tend to catch up around 2nd or 3rd grade. So, yes we have reason to become fixated on finding the right elementary school but we go overboard with math pop quizzes for a 3 year old. One of the reasons is that young children are always learning – especially from their environment, they are learning the basics of communication, socialization, and trusting that their basic needs will be consistently met. When surveyed, most “gifted” children are not specifically the ones who were injected into early learning but those whom injected themselves. Naturally gifted children tend to be the ones initiating learning, seeking out academic activities on their own.

Aside from bragging rights for mommy and daddy, you’re not really creating massive benefits. What children are learning are social norms, manners, and emotional intelligence – which if learned incorrectly, is hard to unlearn (just ask the 5th grader who is still biting his classmates). So, should we become anxious over our toddler’s ability to answer Jeopardy questions and play Scrabble – NO. BUT - we need to pay attention to how we, as parents and their other caregivers (especially daycare staff, grandparents, older siblings), conduct ourselves in front of our little ones. Even during flashcard sessions with your two year old – she is learning more by noticing your uninterrupted love, without cell phones, and your tone (i.e. reframing from getting angry when she answers “blue” when you ask her how many apples there are in the basket)...

Happy teaching!!! 

***Interesting info on the false claims of "Your Baby Can Read": http://www.ftc.gov/news-events/press-releases/2012/08/ads-touting-your-baby-can-read-were-deceptive-ftc-complaint

Our Guest Blogger, Cherrell Thomas, is a professional counselor, licensed by the state of Georgia and certified by the national board of counselors. With over 7 years in the field, Cherrell has experience in multiple areas of mental health.

Through her private practice, HELPFUL THERAPY CENTER LLC, she promotes the power of inner resiliency and encourages her clients to define their own "happy". However, she may have met her match in her three year old daughter who is teaching her everyday about life, parenting, and the struggle for sanity.

Follow along as we uncover the myths in a candid conversation, only a Mama can identify.

In the study of child development we learn the concept of the “imaginary audience” that adolescents feel during their phase of egocentrism. They feel that there are imaginary eyes on them at all times - scrutinizing what they look like, say, and do. I think that this phase returns for women when they have children – all of a sudden we feel the pressure to be a perfect mom ALL THE TIME - even when no one is looking. Not to say we don’t strive for perfection for the good of our kids (good save, huh?) but if we are honest with ourselves our mommy reputation is pretty important to us. For instance, I have no problem if people introduce me as “Cherrell, the most awesomest mom in life….ever”.

So the thought that there are forever present eyes of judgment is understandable but is a myth.
1 – People are not always watching and judging you. When you are alone with your child, he is not judging your parenting skills (although he may be testing them) .
2 – Even if people are always looking, they probably aren’t judging you, they have better things to do – and your kid is probably cute enough to distract them anyway.

The truth is that the only constant eyes of scrutiny are our own. This can lead to problems with anxiety, depression, and self esteem – and consequently,  take away from your performance as a mother.  So relax – if you didn’t bring an extra pair of underwear for your potty training toddler, or if you gave a cookie after brushing her teeth - you are still an awesome mother. I mean, you didn’t leave her in a burning home or feed him yogurt that has been left out for 6 days – so celebrate your greatness!

The love you have for your children is abundant and shines through how you protect them every day. So forget the imaginary audience and get rid of your own self conviction – your baby loves you for you and wouldn’t trade you for the world!

Our Guest Blogger, Cherrell Thomas, is a professional counselor, licensed by the state of Georgia and certified by the national board of counselors. With over 7 years in the field, Cherrell has experience in multiple areas of mental health. Through her private practice, HELPFUL THERAPY CENTER LLC, she promotes the power of inner resiliency and encourages her clients to define their own "happy". However, she may have met her match in her three year old daughter who is teaching her everyday about life, parenting, and the struggle for sanity.

Follow along as we uncover the myths in a candid conversation, only a Mama can identify.